Am I learning how to be a better father? I hope I’m earning—I want to be the father my daughter needs. I’m trying to figure out how to be respectful to us both. Some days I don’t feel like I’m doing well at all.
I want to give my daughter more experiences than things. I am hoping to engage her with technology (I do have that to offer) in a way that reveals more to her devices than just the glowing screen part.
It’s time to set a course.
This means I need to understand myelf better and I feel overwhelmed. I feel dumb that I haven’t been a better captain of my own ship.
I am still coming to terms with my diabetes diagnosis. I’m not making the diet and exercise changes I need to make. I’m moving more, in general, but not enough to compenstate for poor choices. I need to eat more fiber and eat fewer carbs. I’m having difficulty and I’m not proud of myself.
By comparison, avoiding wheat because of being Celiac seems easy.
Unexpected left turn with my hearing. Which is to say my hearing in my left ear is greatly diminished, while at the same time being more sensitive to loud noise.
I heave learned this is consistent with Vestibular Schwannomas, or Acoustic Neuromas. This means I have a small “benign” tumor in my head, which has caused nerve damage. My hearing will not return to what it was. The tumor may or may not grow. Removing the tumor will probably cause additional nerve damage. Second MRI coming—to see if it’s going to grow and how quickly.
I’m revisiting my ADHD diagnosis. Because I’m the Inattentive type of ADHD, I wasn’t diagnosed initially until I was 27, back in the 1990s. I thought I knew a lot about what that diagnosis means, but the science keeps evolving.
My daughter was diagnosed in some ways similar to me, which I expected, but in additional ways which I did not expect. This does not occur in a vaccuum. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my experiences in the world and I realize that while I found a comfortable place to cope, but I haven’t learned anything new for a very long time. Neurodivergent TikTok has blown this open for me. I’m really grateful for those who are vulnerable and share their stories.
In those moments when I’m not obsessively flipping through my RSS feeds?
I have partially moved my office up to the main floor of my house. I’m thinking the new space will feature books. And Lego. I have converted my digital media to be hosted on servers, but I also need to re-visit the analog collection to fill in gaps. Things I love but have forgotten about because the LPs and cassettes aren’t in front of me. I took a quick look through about a quarter of my cassettes and only found a few things I want to bring forward in my life. That was a relief, to be honest.
My daughter loves everything to do with Minecraft, so several hours on the weekend involve cooperative play in a few different Minecraft worlds. I have learned a little about villages and villagers, and I really enjoy Creative Mode.